Costco is Kicking My Butt

I’m fascinated by grocery stores. Dozens of aisles with hundreds of items, all organized, color coded, and neatly displayed. So much visual input! Then there’s Costco.

It’s groceries on steroids. It’s groceries and so much more. It’s more groceries and so much more than any human ever needs. It’s input overload.

I made my initial trek into the mega emporium. First stop, customer service. I need to pick up my membership card. “You don’t have a card,” I’m told. “I know. I’ve applied for one online, I’m just here to pick it up.

She didn’t care that I applied for one. She just wanted to make sure I knew I didn’t have one.

Okay. Let’s take care of that right now. “Say cheese” she says. “Here’s your horrible grainy tiny black and white photo at the bottom corner of your brand new Costco card.”

Talk about gratifying.

I begin searching the massive expanse that is Costco. Walking around, looking around. All I need is four large plastic storage bins. I search and search. Every thirty feet somebody with a tray offers me food. “Guacamole?” No thanks. All I need is four large plastic storage bins.

He didn’t care that I was looking for storage bins. He’s just there to move his guacamole.

Next thirty feet: “Peanut butter toast?” “Sounds delicious. But I just had lunch.” She didn’t care that I just had lunch. A simple no would have sufficed.

On and on it went. Trays of food at every corner! “Sour dough bread?” Allergic to gluten. “Beef jerky?” Man, I wish I hadn’t eaten. “Sparkling water?” No thanks, just looking for…

“I know I know. Large storage bins.” He didn’t care.

Finally to the back of the store. A guy comes up to me. “You can’t be back here sir.” Okay, I’m just looking for storage bins. “I don’t care if you’re looking for love in all the wrong places. You can’t be back here. “Sorry.”

Fine. He probably didn’t know where the storage bins were anyway.

Finally a Costco angel cascades from the ceiling. “Looking for storage bins? You’ll find them in aisle 103.” “Wow! It’s a Costco miracle! Thanks, Angel!” There I find thousands of large plastic storage bins. (Did I mention I only need four?)

I pick up my long lost items and head for the front of the store. Self check out! My favorite! Employee lady says, “Find everything you need?

Well, not everything. I would’ve loved to have seen a sample tray of brownie pudding.

She didn’t really care about my dietary needs. She just wanted to move me through the line.

I love a good grocery store. But Costco is to be taken in doses. Food, automotive, furniture, toys, tools, and more storage bins than anyone’s ever seen. Organized. Neatly stacked. Color coded. It was awesome.

I’m exhausted.