I’m a Christian DJ. I’ve been doing it for a long time. But I’ve been a drummer for an even longer time. I’ve played in church a lot, but mostly I’ve played classic rock. Sometimes I’ve experienced cognitive dissonance. These two genres have little common ground except for yours truly.
Very few people have even brought it up, but it feels funny when people say, “I used to listen to rock and roll, but now I only listen to Christian music.” That’s awesome. As a rock drummer, I’m in a unique position. I get to represent Jesus to people who may not see Him represented often.
I don’t always do it well. Sometimes I do okay. Not for me to say. We’ll see when we get to heaven. Sometimes I get offered a drink. “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” No thanks. I’ve got water. Sometimes they push back. “Oh, come on, let me buy you a drink.” They mean well. That’s when I tell them:
“I can’t drink. I killed a guy.”
That shuts them down. I didn’t really kill a guy. Lord, forgive me for lying. But it gets them off my case. What is this, junior high? “Have a drink. Everybody else is doing it. What are you, scared?” I ain’t scared. I just don’t want to, that’s all. Drinking makes me stupid. And I don’t have the brain cells to spare.
Plus, I don’t think it sets a very good example. People can justify, “Well, you do this, and people do that. It’s not going to send you to hell.” No, it’s not going to directly send me to hell. Maybe indirectly. Maybe via jail, or the unemployment line. And it all started because I listened to you. Why take that chance?
As far as I know, most people are fine with what I do. Mainly because most people don’t care. They’re thinking about their own dang selves more than what I’m doing. But there’s something about being in the public eye that adds a level of scrutiny. Sometimes I feel it.
My family got the vast range of my public and private personas over the years, to varying levels of acceptance. All the way from embracing it entirely down to full throttle bitter rejection. Lois is cool. But according to one son, I am a hypocritical effing Christian celebrity, and he wants nothing to do with me.
And he’s right. I am a hypocritical effing Christian celebrity. Although on KVNE, we don’t say effing. We say “bless your heart.” But it’s what I signed up for. And I can’t deny the hypocrisy. Nor can anyone else. None of us can even live up to our own standards. We all flounder like Peter trying to walk on water.
So here I am, hypocritically floundering like a Christian DJ trying to walk on water. And believe it or not, these days I find the whole thing rather hilarious. Yes, sometimes I’m sad. But more often lately, I notice the finger pointing and find it funny that those fingers are pointing in the wrong direction. We sure do love us some “us.”
Like, ever notice how everybody’s a bad driver except the one who brings it up? “These people can’t drive.” Who are “these” people? We’re not specifying. Are we talking about all people, present company excluded? I think not. They’re putting us in that category!
Or the news guys. “We’re fair and balanced.” “We’re real news.” “We’re fact-based.” “The other guys are partisan.” “They’re playing politics.” “We stand for the American people.” “They spread lies and talking points.” “They have an agenda! We’re on your side.” So that’s everybody. And it’s nobody.
I love it when people say, “I never do this, but…” “Don’t tell them I said this, but.” “I don’t mean to brag, but.” That’s some big buts (and I cannot lie.) “Can I be honest?” Please be. Or how about “Do you know what I mean” after every sentence? I’m not sure I do know what you mean. But I know what you said.
I notice what people say. And I judge them. And I’ve got to stop doing that. Soon. If you go to church, you’ve heard this one. “Let’s stand to our feet.” Where else would we stand? How about, “If you’re here this morning…” Yep, we’re all here. Or my favorite. “Turn around and greet your neighbor.” (Do I do a 360?)
Ever see the praise and worship leader clapping his wrist? I’m following their lead, and I feel dumb doing it. They also like to add lots of words. “Let’s all worship him IN THIS HOUSE.” “Can anybody say ‘hallelujah?” Yes, we can. And be sure to finish every thought with a question. “Amen?”
Perhaps I’m too hard on the body of Christ. Maybe I should check the mirror before I start throwing grammatical stones at my brothers and sisters in the faith. It’s possible I should “judge not, lest I be judged!” But then again, what do I know? I’m just a bless my heart hypocritical Christian DJ.
Walkin’ on water with Jesus’ help.
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