It’s a little known fact:
Baptist churches have “amen” planters. It’s Texas law that each sermon must contain at least 6 “amens” per service.
You can measure how new a worship team singer is by the extent to which they sway. The more they sway, the newer they are.
A pastor must always have three points in his message.
A church’s value is not placed in it’s size, or lack of it, however the number of sinners it attracts is an a viable asset. (and a coffee bar is nice)
Many six year olds are mature enough to believe in Jesus. Many six year olds also believe Santa Claus can fit down a chimney, Spidey powers are a feasible goal, and boogers have nutritional value.
People will always return to their same pew.
Other churches are okay for other people, but they’re not as good as yours.
About two thirds of America’s churches are paid a commission by Luby’s to end the service by noon.
The Dallas Cowboys don’t care if you miss the kickoff.
40% of all Unitarian churches in California have done away with the “offering” and now simply use a tip jar.
If you can tell the difference between your youth pastor and your youth, your youth pastor is too old.
A non denominational church in Seattle has adopted a “Let’s Be Real” segment in the service. Instead of “Let’s all bow our heads”, it’s now, “Let’s all look at our phones.”
If you ask someone about their relationship with Jesus, and their answer is, “I’m a member of So and So Church, it means:
A. He’s not sure about his faith.
B. He didn’t understand the question.
C. He’s a really good member of So and So Church.
A charismatic church in Colorado has installed a baptismal diving board and drive through anointing booth.
If you’re a Christian, and your extended family is not, you will always be called upon to pray at Thanksgiving.
Christians have been predicting Jesus’ “soon return” for many generations. And they’re right.
Just going to church doesn’t get you into heaven, but you stand a better chance.
“Church cliques” are only the ones you’re not a part of.
The church is like a hospital. The music and drama department is like the psychiatric ward.
The church is full of hypocrites. So is the golf course, the home, the office, the school, the store…
Texas has a church on every corner. If all those churches would just come together, think of the carpet color arguments!
A good worship team isn’t putting on a “show”. Wait, yes they are. For an audience of One. But it doesn’t hurt if a couple hundred people show up, too.
My mom told me going to church would keep me out of jail. She was almost right. There was just that one time in 1978. Or was it ‘79?
One of the best aspects of knowing Jesus is genuine peace. Where else are you gonna get that?