I’ve been eating for a long time. I’ve gotten quite good at it. Many times I’ve eaten out. So after sixty years, I know the routine. I like to cut to the chase. Today at the restaurant, the young waiter said, “Hi, welcome to the restaurant. I’m Zack and I’ll be your server today. “ I said “Thanks Zack. I’ll have the number one.” He stopped. “Wouldn’t you like to see a menu?”
“Nope. I’ve seen it. It’s just like everyone else’s. I know it’ll be too long with too many choices. You’ve got an encyclopedia of food items in there. I’ll stew over it for ten minutes, get bogged down in all the options and I’ll just wind up getting the number one.”
“Well, we don’t really have a number one per se.”
“Sure you do. Everybody has a number one. You may not CALL it a number one, but you have one. It’s the first item on the menu. If it wasn’t good, it wouldn’t be the lead off entree. It’s your number one.”
“Okay, that’s fine. Would you like anything to drink?”
“Of course. Who goes out to eat and doesn’t get something to drink? I’ll have the number one.”
“Um…We don’t have…”
“What do most people get?”
“Iced tea.”
“Sounds great, thanks.”
Now he’s getting the hang of it and starts to play along. “Can I get you an appetizer? Wait don’t tell me. Let me guess. You want the number one!”
But I’m on to him. “Absolutely not. If I get your five pound appetizer, between that and this punch bowl of endless chips, I’ll be busting at the pants before you can even bring out my number one. The only way I want the appetizer is if it serves as the entree. In other words, if you make it the number one.”
By this time my dining partner is wondering if he should fake like he got an emergency call and “slip out”. When it happens to be Lois, she’s numb from this by now and is kicking me under the table. Personally, I think that’s a bit extreme. No need for violence.
“Yes sir. No appetizer. And will this be on one ticket?”
This is a fair question, and I like to give a fair answer.
“Yes, and thanks for offering, but I’ll take care of it.”
A little confused but relieved it’s over, he musters a “Yes sir. I’ll be right back with your drinks.”
“Excellent choice Zack. You’re doing a great job.” As he turns to perform his duties, I offer, “Oh, and while you’re back there, get a little something for yourself.”
Our college age waiter came back often with much jovial banter. The entire dining experience wrapped up with lots of laughs and a healthy tip for young Zack. He’s also got an exhilarating tale to tell his friends after work.
After all, it’s the least I can do for “Dinner and a Show”.