I love Lowe’s. I love it so much I have to be careful not to overspend there! And now it seems I also have to stay on my toes to avoid buying things involuntarily.
Today I was at my beloved Lowe’s, dreaming big dreams and pushing the Big Cart, when over the loudspeaker I hear the pleasant recorded female voice say:
“Customer needs assistance in the wire cutting area…Customer needs assistance in the wire cutting area.”
I happen to be in that area, and I’m the only one around. I don’t really need any assistance, but suddenly the eager Lowe’s guy in the red vest pops around the corner, and he thinks I’m the one.
“Can I help you?”
He caught me off guard! Next thing I know he’s standing there smiling right in front of me, and now I’m somehow involved! I didn’t know what to say, and without thinking, I stammered something brilliant like:
“Um, yeah. Do you have any… um…wire cutters?”
“Right there on that shelf, sir.”
I turned around and sure enough, just like Employee of the Month said, there they were right behind me.
(Nervous laugh) “Ha. Oh, okay. Um…thanks.”
“My pleasure, sir.”
So, because he’s standing right there and he WOULDN’T LEAVE, I half-heartedly grab a pair of wire cutters and put them in my cart, as if I’m actually going to buy them. I don’t even want them! How the heck do I even get myself into these things???
Later, when I got to the check-out, I was putting my other actual legit items on the counter to pay. I looked around, and slowly kind of slid the wire cutters aside. Then, with great skill and stealth, I ever so casually set them down between the M&Ms and People Magazine. Involuntary purchase averted! (Applause)
I was so sure Mr. Customer Satisfaction was going to follow me into the parking lot. I found myself checking my rear-view mirror all the way home. But fortunately, I think I ditched him.
But now I guess I’ll have to switch to Home Depot.
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